Playing Lovers aka Marry Me For 3 Months Only
by AkumaNoDanna
Summary: SasoDei. Deidara is after a Green Card. Sasori wants a marriage, temporary or permanent, to have his family finally shut up and let him be. Collaboration is likely to grant both of their wishes, but are they ready to deal with the possible consequences? AU


_Seng il chuk ha hae, Nam Pyeon :3_

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**Playing Lovers aka Marry Me For 3 Months Only**

_Inspired by the movie 'Proposal' written by Peter Chiarelli and directed by Anne Fletcher_

"I already said-"

"No need to repeat it, Sasori. I heard what you said and it was ridiculous! Your _job _is keeping you from having a relationship?!"

This particular conversation over the phone had gone on for half an hour already. Sasori was sitting in his office on the top floor of a twenty-storey building, propping himself on his elbow and pinching the bridge of his nose. He was way past the point of being tired of this topic, but he didn't want to hang up on his mother. Again he could feel a headache building up near his temples.

"Yes, it is. Managing a company is no walk in a park. I leave home early in the morning and get home around 7 o'clock. On weekends I'd like to get some rest. I don't have _time _for someone else in my life."

"Sasori honey, _most people _have long work days like that _and _they have three whining kids to deal with to top off a husband who can't even make porridge for himself. Yet they still manage! Trust me, I'm talking from personal experience."

Sasori frowned at the know-it-all sound that was to the woman's voice. He gave a sigh, wishing he could somehow just end the conversation now, but he had to ask. "As far as I am concerned, you have four kids."

The woman giggled. "Oh, yes, of course I do, but you were never one of the whiners."

"Which is exactly why I don't understand why you won't drop this subject. If I am such a perfect son, why do you have to nag at me all the time?"

He could almost hear the frown in Mrs. Akasuna's voice. "Tenten and Haku are both married with kids already; and Naruto is engaged." Haku was one year older than Sasori, Tenten was five years younger and Naruto had celebrated his 25th birthday a month ago.

"In which damn parenting handbook does it say that every kid has to grow up to be a husband?" Sasori demanded. He had never seen what the big deal was. Wasn't the Earth overpopulated already as it was? Why did they need more kids to increase the number? Why couldn't peaceful people like him just be left alone in their solitude?

Sasori Akasuna came from a wealthy family, yet he'd never used that excuse to get through life. He had something many had forgotten long ago – pride. He'd started his own company right after moving out of his hometown Friday Harbor and graduating from one of the top US business schools at the age of 25. Ten years later he still didn't find his work boring enough to engage in a relationship.

"Sasori, it's a matter of happiness! Every parent wants their child to be happy! You won't find happiness by drowning yourself in work."

"I am not _drowning _myself in work, I-" Sasori glanced up when he heard a knock on the door. A faint ray of relief shone through the dimness that had been his morning. "Look, I got to go. I have work to do. Someone's at the door."

"Okay, okay," Mrs. Akasuna appeased her son, "but make sure to think about what I just said!" Sasori rolled his eyes. Like he wouldn't start blocking it out of his mind the second he hung up the phone. "And I'll see you on the weekend!"

Sasori sighed. "Yeah, yeah, sure," he muttered absent-mindedly. "Bye now." He knew he'd find a good reason to skip the family reunion; a smooth lie of a sudden fever or a broken bone would do the trick. There was no way he was going to spend a whole weekend with people who wouldn't let him sneeze without rubbing the absence of a wife in.

"Goodbye, honey," Mrs. Akasuna finished the conversation with a saccharine tone and hung up.

Sasori put the phone down and started rubbing his temples. Why did his family always have to be such a burden? They hadn't dropped the subject ever since great uncle Kazuki had brought it up on another family event 5 years ago. Sasori had just turned 30 then.

The knocking on the door repeated.

"Come in," Sasori growled, shifting back in his chair and leaning on one side. The door cracked open and a blond male wearing a formal uniform stepped in, closing the door quietly behind him. Without a word or even a glance at Sasori, the man paced to the desk and tossed a small pack of papers on it. He stood quietly in front of the desk, his hands behind his back and gaze lowered to the floor.

Sasori recognized one of his employees in the man. He gave him a weary, yet solemn look, which the other didn't see, before glancing down at the papers. He instantly understood what they were, and also learnt that the man's name was Deidara Iwaga. He was surprised that he actually recognized the name.

Wasn't this the youngster who had won the 'best worker of the year' award recently for the third time in the row? According to the date on the paper and Sasori's calculations, he was only 24. Sasori rested his forehead on his palm. Why was all this happening to him today?

"What is this?" he demanded, getting the sudden urge for a cup of black coffee and a cigarette.

"A resignation letter, sir," Deidara answered tersely.

"Yes, I know what it is," Sasori snapped. "What I mean is, why are you resigning?"

"My visa expired and they won't extend it. I'm expected to leave the country by the end of the month."

Sasori glanced at the table calendar on the corner of his desk. This meant the blond still had two and a half weeks left in the US. Sasori frowned. He really didn't feel like losing one of his best workers and having to find replacement, when he already had so much on his shoulders.

"Don't you have a girlfriend you can marry? You'd get permanent citizenship that way." Sasori found it ironic how he was giving the other the same advice he himself had just a few minutes ago rejected. But at least _he _was a permanent resident in the US. "Pardon the bluntness of my question," he apologized, wishing he could keep the note of irritation out of his voice, "I'm aware of my employee's personal lives being none of my business. I'm simply not keen on losing such a valuable worker as you."

Even though a long blonde fringe hid the younger male's face, Sasori suspected that he was blushing. He raised an eyebrow. It couldn't have been that the young male was still single, could it? And if that was the case, how difficult would've it been for him to get a girlfriend? He definitely had the looks to be a perfect boyfriend and his salary wasn't too bad either.

"I don't date girls."

Sasori skilfully caught the pen he'd been fiddling with and had dropped. Gay, huh? You never knew with people nowadays anymore. Sasori had to admit the blond did look quite feminine, but he would've never guessed the truth, had it not been told to his face.

Sasori wasn't one to judge, though. After all, he was in the same boat with the blond.

"So?" he asked, acting indifferent. "As far as I'm concerned, gay marriages have been legal in New York for over a year now."

"I broke up with my boyfriend three years ago and I have no interest in engaging in a relationship any time soon."

This made Sasori thoughtful. That was the voice of someone broken-hearted, he knew, so it was impossible for him to marry someone he loved. A sudden idea hit the redhead out of the blue and his eyes widened. "Alright. Please come back here at the end of the day. I think I have an offer you'd be interested in."

For the first time since he'd stepped into the office, Deidara raised his head and met Sasori's gaze. The redhead saw that the other had beautiful light blue eyes and an astonished look in them. He almost smiled.

"You're dismissed."

Deidara nodded and left the office. Sasori waited for the door to close before propping himself on both of his elbows and burying his face in his hands. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. It was so prompt, yet it sounded like the ideal solution. Deidara would get a Green Card and he wouldn't lose a wonderful employee; plus he'd be spared from his family's constant nagging and the burden of finding a replacement for Deidara.

He sighed heavily and got up from his seat, making himself a cup of coffee. He opened a window and lit a cigarette. He needed to get re-focused on his work now. A five minute pause would have to do and then he'd get back to work. He'd already wasted the morning.

-x-

When Deidara returned to the twentieth floor that day, it was already past 6 o'clock. He felt slight nervousness and confusion, but also curiosity of what his superior had in store for him. What kind of offer could've he been talking about? He took a deep breath and exhaled, before knocking on the door.

"Come in!" a voice commanded from the other side of the door.

Deidara hesitantly pushed down the link and stepped in, finding Sasori Akasuna waiting for him in his comfy-looking, black leather chair. He motioned for the blond to take a seat across the desk from him. Deidara obediently pushed the door shut and sat himself down.

"Deidara," Sasori started, surprising his employee by using his first name, "Would you be interested in a green card?"

Deidara's eyes widened first, and then narrowed suspiciously. "What's the catch?"

Sasori smiled slyly and tangled his fingers before him. "No catch at first. Simply answer the question. If you were given a green card on a plate right now, would you take it?"

Deidara tilted his head left and right, turning the idea over in his head. "Well... yes, I would."

Sasori nodded knowingly. "But now there's a change in the circumstances. The card isn't being offered to you on a plate anymore. Now, in order to get it, you have to cross a distance. How great of a distance would you cross to get the green card?"

Deidara didn't let the confusion show on his face. He thought about it for a moment. "I guess a hundred miles..." - Sasori raised an eyebrow that Deidara noticed – "On foot," he added, to make his bet clearer.

"A hundred miles on foot," Sasori repeated and Deidara confirmed it with a nod. Sasori nodded. "I see. A great length, then." His eyes locked on the blue ones. "But I have no intentions of making you walk so far. What I am interested in is the value of your time. How much would you give up on for a green card?"

Deidara felt that this inquiry was growing ridiculous and he hoped Sasori would get to the point and end it soon. He sighed and shifted in his chair a little, willing to play along with his superior for one more time. "Uh, a year at max?"

Sasori's smile that had died already at some point came to life again, content this time. "That's good to hear. In that case, will you marry me?"

Deidara froze in his seat, not entirely sure of what he'd just heard. "Excuse me?" Were his ears and mind playing tricks on him or had he really been just asked what he thought he'd been?

"I asked whether you'd marry me," Sasori repeated. "For three months, to be exact." Seeing Deidara's appalled expression, Sasori felt the need to explain immediately before things could get more awkward. "You see, I have my personal reasons, that have nothing to do with you, for wanting a temporary marriage. This – 'collaboration', if you may – would grant you a permanent citizenship in the US."

"What exactly do I need to do in this so-called collaboration?" Deidara questioned, voice full of suspicion. To be fair, he did have a fairly good reason - it didn't happen every day that someone you'd never called by their first name proposed to you. "What are the fees?"

"No fees," Sasori stated. "No financial ones at least for you. What I need you to do is act as my fiancée and later as my wife for three months."

Deidara felt a vein pop on his temple. "Are you mocking me?" he demanded. Why did he have to play a female?!

"No, not at all," Sasori said with sincere politeness. "Fact is that my family does not support homosexuality, but it would be more comfortable for me to have a male beside me."

"So, we're supposed to convince your family?" Deidara concluded.

Sasori sighed. "Yes," he said a little impatiently already. "I just need you to come to the family reunion with me to declare our engagement and show up at the wedding later. Three months and I'll be ready to sign the divorce application."

Sasori saw that Deidara was considering his options seriously. He tried to relax and find some patience in himself. He needed to repeatedly remind himself that it wasn't the end of the world, should the blond decline.

"I am not expected to change my last name, am I?" Deidara asked.

"No, definitely not."

Deidara fell silent again. Sasori knew he should've given him more time to think about it, but he just couldn't bear waiting. He said: "You may sleep on it. Get back to me tomorrow at lunch, perhaps?"

Deidara nodded. He got up from his seat and left the office with an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach.

-x-

Sasori did not sleep well that night. After all the cigarettes he'd smoked on the balcony and the sleeping pills he'd washed down with water, no sooner was he able to stay still in his bed did all the pills finally take effect and he fell into an ocean-deep sleep.

Even when completely under with the force of medicine, there was a single face haunting him throughout all his dreams. The frustrating part was that the face faded from Sasori's memory as soon as it appeared there, leaving only a faint trace of the emotion brought on by it behind.

When the redhead opened his eyes, he sensed at once that something was off. Apart from the fact that his eyelids felt heavy and head ached, there was something else that had him distressed even more than he'd been last night. And then he realized what it was.

The light. It was unusually bright in his bedroom. A quick turn of the head that almost snapped his neck out of place and a glance at the alarm clock on the cupboard told him that it was past 10 AM. Four hours past his usual waking up time. Shit.

Hurrying was definitely not in Sasori's nature - you could even say it was against it - but that morning, the man could be seen moving so swiftly about his apartment that one would surely define it as hurrying (although not aloud). He'd made a quick call to the office, informing his secretary that he would be arriving late today due to a sudden emergency – a white lie he'd forgive himself for. Black coffee was poured into a plastic cup, a striped tie was draped around the neck, messy red hair was left as it was and off Sasori was into his car.

He dropped the crumpled empty cup on his way in a garbage can right outside the tall building and stepped inside, his tie already tied, trying to slow down his pace now that he'd arrive. He gave casual, although a little tense, nods to his employees, dreading deep inside that someone would comment on his late arrival. This must've been the first time for him to sleep in and he certainly didn't take it easily.

Fortunately, no one said anything and to make things better, Sasori had the elevator all to himself. This gave him a chance to take a deep breath and try to relax, although he was sure he wouldn't feel completely at ease before a cigarette. When he trod down the hallway towards his office, his pace was a little quicker than usual. Hopefully nobody noticed.

Before the man could give his secretary a proper greeting, the dark-haired woman behind the desk already burst out: "Mr. Akasuna! A worker wants to see you, I told him to wait-" Her sentence was cut off by a blond male stepping into the room. Sasori's eyebrows furrowed unnoticeably when regarding the mentioned worker. He would've preferred having his calming smoke before interacting with anyone, but he decided to suck it up. He couldn't make the other wait any longer than he'd already had to.

"Ah, Mr. Iwaga," he said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. "I apologize for the wait, I had some unexpected business to attend to. If you'd be so kind as to follow me to my office now." Sasori motioned at the door and stepped towards it. Over his shoulder to the secretary he said: "Thank you, Ami."

The woman bowed respectfully and went back to what she'd been doing before the arrival of her superior.

"You may sit, if you like," Sasori said to his blond employee as he shut the door after them. He put his coat away on the clothes rack and moved to the coffee machine to make another cup. He needed to relax while having wait for his smoke somehow. "You want one?" he asked over his shoulder.

"Black" was his reply. Sasori nodded and added three more spoonfuls of powder into the machine.

Deidara had used the permission given to him and seated himself in the chair across from Sasori's. Sasori returned shortly with two cups of coffee, handing one to the blond male. Deidara thanked him and took the hot mug carefully, setting it down on the desk for the time being.

"So," Sasori started, sitting down on his chair also, "have you thought about my offer?" He raised the cup to his lips and took a sip, keeping his eyes on his employee.

Deidara rolled his eyes, even though they were shielded by his hair at that time. Like he had thought about anything else since he last exited this room! To top it off, he'd got a call last night and found out that the apartment he'd wanted to rent in Granby had been sold to a freshly married couple there. Since Deidara couldn't fly to Canada and take a look at the apartment himself yet, his promise of wanting to rent it was based on the pictures he'd seen online. It wasn't surprising that the owner of the place would've wanted to sell it quicker to more promising clients.

"I accept," Deidara said tersely and looked up swiftly right into the redhead's eyes. He'd expected – hoped – to catch the other off guard, but Sasori merely raised his eyebrows and set his cup down.

"You have your own conditions, I believe," Sasori said.

"Yes, of course, but..." Deidara trailed off, glancing around in the office a little uneasily. Last night, he hadn't been worried about anyone overhearing, for most people had already gone home by then, but now that the secretary was just outside...

Sasori noticed the other male's discomfort and it didn't take long for him to realize the reason. "In that case," he started, reaching out for a pen and a piece of paper, and scribbling down an address and his phone number, "I'd like to invite you over for dinner." He slid the paper in front of the blond. "Are you available Thursday night?"

"Guess I will be," Deidara muttered and took the paper slip, looking it over before tucking it away in his pocket. "What times can work for you?"

"Will around seven be alright?" Sasori asked.

Deidara nodded. "I'll be there." He got up and started to leave when-

"Wait, uh, Iwaga, I have one more thing to ask of you."

Deidara turned around and looked at the redhead who seemed unusually uneasy. _We have so much work to do, if we're going to have to make this act believable, _Deidara thought. _To start off, learning how to address each other using our first names. _He tried mentally saying _Sasori, _but it sounded so unnatural and strange that he quickly pushed the thought away with embarrassment.

"Yes?" he said, wondering what else could there be to ask of him.

Sasori delayed replying for a few moments, thinking of how exactly he should word the following sentence. "Could you not speak about this – marriage – with anyone here? Otherwise, it would turn out to be quite, uhm, inconvenient, you see."

Deidara nodded understandingly. He would've wanted the same thing, but Sasori had beaten him to saying it. "Don't worry, my mouth is shut."

-x-

_It's not a date, it's not a date, it's not a date, _Deidara kept thinking when-

"IT'S A DATE!" a loud female voice shouted from the other room and an eccentric-looking blue-haired woman ran into the room, clapping her hands. "My big brother is finally getting MARRIED!" She laughed. "And he's not even in a relationship yet..." She shot the blond man a teasing look.

Deidara frowned at the annoying, dancing figure that was his little sister. "_Konan-_" he started threateningly, but changed his mind at mid-sentence and continued in a depressed, rather than a dangerous tone, "I'm already nervous. Please, do not make things worse than they already are."

"Pfft," Konan said and punched her big brother in the shoulder. "What do you have to worry about? You guys aren't even serious; it's a game – take it easy!"

Konan was only twenty-two years old, but was already married. She'd been worried about what Deidara was going to do when he'd have to to move out of the country, and had come over immediately when the other had called her after work and told the news.

"Easy for you to say," Deidara muttered as he rummaged through the clothes in his closet, not finding anything suitable. It wasn't surprising – he didn't even know what _would've _been suitable for a visit like this. How casual was too casual and how formal was way too formal? He added, "You haven't even seen him."

"Yes, I have!" argued Konan. "You showed him to me on the group picture taken at the company's birthday party!"

Deidara shook his head and sat down on his bed, giving a loud sigh. "It's way different having to confront him in person. He's always so calm, like nothing could affect him and like he has no worries at all-" Deidara cut himself off when he realized he had no idea where he was getting with that.

Konan squatted down in front of him, looking up into his eyes with concern and definite determination. "Deidara," she said defiantly, "what _exactly _are you worried about?"

Deidara stayed quiet for a moment, thinking it over before answering. He then turned his head away and muttered almost inaudibly, "I don't know what to wear."

Konan laughed out loud at that and shot up. "Oh Dei, you're so silly," she said and stormed off to the closet. She opened the doors and, within minutes, picked out a blue button-up shirt and a pair of jeans, throwing them at the male. "These will fit perfectly," she said, holding the shirt below the blond's chin to see how it looked. "Brings out your eye colour," she commented happily and let the piece of clothing drop onto the other's legs.

Deidara eyed the clothes nervously and picked them up. He wasn't quite sure whether this could come across as too formal, but it was probably a lot better than anything he would've picked himself.

Konan had agreed to drive Deidara to Sasori's place, since the blond didn't drive. He was supposed to call a taxi for a ride back home. They stopped in front of a formidable, tall apartment complex and Deidara stepped out, clutching the jacket wrapped around him. Konan rolled down the window and gave her brother an encouraging smile.

"Good luck, Dei," she said and waved him goodbye, before driving off.

Deidara held the piece of paper given to him in front of him as he walked to the door. He pressed 38 on the dial and waited for an answer.

"Deidara?" Sasori's voice sounded from the device and Deidara found himself nodding before he realized the other wouldn't be able to see it.

"Y-yes," he stuttered, feeling his stomach flutter. Oh, how he wished this would be over already.

"Fifteenth floor," said Sasori.

The device started beeping and Deidara opened the unlocked door. He took the elevator to said floor, surprised by how wide the corridors were. Everything looked very elegant and high-class. _Guess this is the life of a well-known businessman, _Deidara thought and walked over to the door that had the number 38 on it.

He was about to ring the bell, but before his finger touched the button, he heard a key being turned in the keyhole and the door was opened, revealing Sasori in all his glory. Deidara's breath caught in his throat momentarily. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see – guess he'd expected nothing, since he'd been too worried about his own looks – but the redhead looked stunning in the casual clothes he was wearing. A t-shirt and jeans. The level of self-consciousness immediately rocketed up in the blond and he wished he'd picked a different outfit.

"Hi," was the best Deidara could get out without stumbling over his own words. He was certain his face was as red as a tomato. He couldn't look up from his feet and was glad that the fringe hid his face. He would've liked to dig a hole in the ground and hide there.

Sasori held back a chuckle. The blond looked so flustered that he found it almost cute. Forget the 'almost'; it _was _cute. "Come in," he said amicably, stepping out of the way.

Deidara walked in, stopping as soon as he was inside – he didn't want to walk too far in his shoes that might've gotten the floor dirty. He looked up at Sasori for instructions.

"Leave your shoes and jacket here," Sasori said, sliding the mirror-doors of the closet in the wall open.

Deidara did as he was told, toeing off his shoes and hanging the jacket on the hanger. He looked carefully around himself as he followed the redhead to the living room.

Everything was extremely neat and tidy, Deidara found it hard to believe that someone actually lived here. How could you _live _and not leave any trace of it? The only proof of a permanent residence in the house was the lack of dust.

Deidara couldn't help acting overly ginger when sitting down behind the dining table. He was afraid of leaving his fingerprints on the perfectly polished surfaces, so he placed his tense hands in his lap instead. There was no denying the fact that he was the complete opposite of Sasori in this department. It was embarrassing to think of the condition he'd left his house in – dirty dishes piled up in the sink, papers and books scattered over his desk; heck, he hadn't even made his bed this morning!

_This will be fun, _he commented sarcastically when thinking of how the two of them were supposed to visit Sasori's parents and his untidy habits would inevitably show. All he could do was to hope Sasori would have no need to visit his household, at the very least.

"What would you like to drink?" Sasori asked politely when placing numerous bowls of different dishes on the table. Deidara's eyes widened at the sight. Had he ordered all this from a restaurant or was one of his neighbours a master chef? The blond had to blink forcibly many times before he could tear his gaze away from all the goods presented in front of him.

"I-I'll take the same as you," Deidara stuttered, blushing dark red again.

Sasori nodded in acknowledgement and placed two glass goblets on the table, before pouring rich coloured red wine into both of them. He took a seat across the table from the blonde and bestowed a modest smile at the other.

Deidara was left speechless. Never in his life had he seen such a great variety of high quality food before. He couldn't stop himself from asking, "Did you order all this from a restaurant?"

Sasori didn't bother suppressing a chuckle anymore. As he cut himself some steak, he said, "I made it myself."

"Ever considered culinary career?"

"Don't praise me before you've tasted it," Sasori said, motioning towards the blond's empty plate.

Deidara took the hint and followed the redhead's example. He scooped some fried potatoes onto his plate and spooned salad from the bowl next to them.

"Iwa-, I mean, Deidara," said Sasori and the blond looked up in surprise. So he actually wasn't the only one having trouble using the first name. "I actually wanted to apologize to you," the redhead admitted with a sigh, averting his gaze to his plate.

Deidara waited for him to explain before saying anything.

"I know I was a little too blunt when suggesting that you'd pretend to be a female-, I genuinely apologize for that. By no means did I want to offend you." Sasori paused momentarily, looking up with the sincerest eyes Deidara had ever seen. "It's extremely selfish of me to ask you of that, I know. However, I've even contacted and ready to hire a stylist who'd help to make things easier for you-"

"There's really no need for that," Deidara cut him off. Now it was his turn to avert his gaze away from the other. "I actually used to practice cross-dressing as a teenager. That's the only reason I even considered your offer." A light, pink colour tinted the blond's cheeks.

Sasori's eyes widened a notch in surprise. He definitely hadn't seen that coming, and this was the second time. He supposed he _shouldn't _have been surprised, Deidara's long hair should've hinted as much, but he couldn't help it. He could never foresee the course of events with the blond.

"I see. Was there any particular reason for it?" Sasori inquired.

Deidara shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "Puberty. Rebellious phases. The usual."

Sasori only nodded. They both stayed quiet for a while, the only sound in the room being the clinks of forks and knives, plus the rain that had started pounding against the window. Deidara took a sip from the goblet. The wine tasted wonderful.

"Do you have a plan in mind, Mr. Aka-, I mean, Sa-" The name literally died in Deidara's throat. Cut off mid-sentence, his eyes wandered around until they came across the redhead's and locked on them; a slightly amused smile settled on Sasori's face. Deidara smiled apologetically back.

"Sasori," Sasori said politely, as though the name had merely slipped the other's mind.

"S-Sasori," Deidara said in a low voice; he hid his face behind his fringe immediately after that, though, and a blush spread across his cheeks once again.

The redhead let out an amused chuckle. "It's quite alright, no need to be embarrassed. Although I do think it would blow our cover, should you address me with my last name in front of my family."

"I'll shall practice saying it in front of the mirror tonight at home," Deidara said and, smirking sarcastically, came out from behind his fringe. "_Sa-so-ri no Dan-na_."

Sasori raised an eyebrow. "Actually, _Danna _isn't a bad alternative at all."

Deidara laughed, an I-was-only-joking expression on his face. "Anyways, as I was saying, do you have it planned out in your head?" he asked. "Do you know how this is going to work out?"

Sasori put down the empty goblet and poured himself more red wine from the bottle. He raised a questioning eyebrow at the blond and, after receiving an affirmative nod as a response, re-filled the other's glass as well.

"Indeed," he said, capping the bottle, "I do have it planned out, more or less."

"I'm all ears," Deidara said, lifting the glass to his lips.

"Well, this weekend they're holding – my family, I mean, is holding a family re-union and I thought that would be a great place to announce our _engagement. _Of course, I'd be honoured to pay for the plane tickets and to drive you there."

"I see. How long will we be there?"

Sasori spared a glance at the calendar sitting on the cupboard not far away. "We'd leave in the early Saturday morning and, since Monday is a day off, spend three days there. Now your conditions. I believe you had them."

Deidara spared a moment for himself to think things over. "Uhm, yes. Firstly, I'm not expected to invite my family to the wedding, am I?"

Sasori shook his head. "Not necessarily. Invite who you'd like, or no one at all."

"Won't your relatives find it strange, though?" Deidara inquired.

The redhead barked out a short laugh. "Hypocrisy at its finest would be my family judging anyone for being strange." He took a sip from his goblet. "No, it won't be a problem."

"Oh, good. And the honeymoon...?"

Sasori gave the blond a crooked smile. "We won't need to pretend that."

"In that case, we have a deal," said Deidara and raised his glass. Sasori followed his example and the two goblets against each other. "Three months, _Sasori no Danna."_

-x-

"I – have the prettiest sister – in – the world."

Konan stood in his brother's living room, admiring the complete masterpiece that was her brother in female clothes. Deidara had asked for her to lend a few clothes to him, but, Konan being Konan, she'd gone shopping instead and bought a full wardrobe. Deidara's complaints on how it was a waste of money she'd hushed by saying she'd wear the clothes after he didn't need them anymore.

Deidara cast her a frustrated look. He couldn't say anything reasonable, though, since making him look like a woman had been the whole point of this operation.

He was dressed in a white skirt (he'd shaved his feet, giving a defiant no to Konan's 'let's use wax!' suggestion), a light blue t-shirt that Konan claimed to bring out the colour of his eyes and a denim jacket. Under his shirt he was wearing Konan's newest invention – a filled push-up bra. Konan had also taught him the secrets of make-up foundation to make his face look rounder and more feminine. Deidara was already familiar with mascara, lipstick and eye shadow from his teenage days.

Konan was the one solely responsible for packing the blond's suitcase. Deidara'd had no doubts when trusting her in this, although his eyebrows had risen at the size of the suitcase.

"You _do _remember I'll only be gone for three days, right?" he asked.

Konan rolled her eyes dramatically. "Deidara," she said seriously, "You're a woman now. Women always pack at least three times as much as necessary in case something unexpected happens. Flight delay, ruined clothes, mood swings, period, bitchy cousins who make an appearance wearing the same dress as you and so on. You can never have too many clothes with you."

Deidara couldn't quite agree with that statement, but what the hell – the woman probably knew what she was talking about. If this was what females did, so be it. He'd carry a 10kg suitcase with him instead of a 2kg one then.

Konan gave him a friendly smile. "I also packed a notebook with a woman's Do's and Don'ts, and a guide to how to use the stuff in your suitcase properly."

And this was the reason he loved his sister, Deidara decided. She never did anything halfway. A cold shiver ran down his back when he heard his mobile go off, knowing it would be Sasori informing him of his arrival. Deidara quickly breathed in and answered.

"Yeah, I'll be right there." He hung up and blew out an uneasy breath.

"Dei," Konan said, clamping her hands down on his shoulders, "it will be alright! You can do it!" She gave the blond an encouraging smile. He tried to return it.

"Now," she said, "let me hear that charming voice!"

Deidara's expression turned nervous, his sweaty hand clamped around the cell. He coughed once to clear his throat and then said in a practiced female voice, "Pardon me, _sir, _but how much does this milk cost?"

Konan's smile widened. "Perfect." She swirled around and grabbed her jacket from the couch, hurrying to the corridor. "Now grab your luggage and let's go!"

Deidara swallowed once, then nodded. He turned off all the lights in the apartment and locked the door, hurrying down the stairs with the blue-haired woman, carrying his heavy bag. He could see Sasori's black Mercedes standing outside and nearly cried at how posh it looked.

Deidara's wage wasn't small, but he'd never got the taste of luxury before. He was completely certain he'd screw up somehow – how was he supposed to act as it was becoming for a posh lady, if the most elegant event he'd ever attended was opera once upon a time before he turned ten? To top it off, he had to behave as the _opposite sex. _A part of him still wondered why he'd agreed to do it. A devastated voice in his head whispered his wish that Konan had packed elegant clothes for him at least.

"Best of luck to you, big sis," Konan said as she hugged Deidara tightly in front of the flat. "Go and confront your destiny with courage! And keep in mind that I'll be very hurt if you make anyone else than me your bride's maid."

"Don't worry, there never was anyone else on the list," said Deidara and, without inquiring about what the other had meant about confronting his destiny, he jogged to the car, where Sasori was already standing outside, ready to help him get the bag into the trunk.

-x-

"One hour delay," Sasori muttered as he and Deidara looked up at the big screen where the incoming and outgoing flights were displayed. A dark eyebrow lowered in synchrony with the light one that was raised. "Damn airports."

"Could've been a lot worse," asserted Deidara, propping himself against the armrest of a chair. He was using his normal voice, wanting to put off the female squeaks he'd have to make for as long as possible. "I've been stuck in an airport for thirteen hours. Sixty minutes is nothing."

Sasori scowled and looked away. His hand dug into his pocket, searching for something. He turned on his heel and was about to leave.

"Where are you going?" the blond asked.

"Cigarette break" was his reply.

Deidara's nose wrinkled involuntarily and before he could think of stopping himself, he'd already blurted out his first reaction, "Ew." He shuddered himself.

Sasori halted momentarily and turned around, giving him a questioning look. "Something bothering you?"

"Uh, no," Deidara said and looked away. "It's just that it's gross."

Sasori stared at him wordlessly for a whole minute before turning around and fishing out the pack of cigarettes. "I'll be back soon," he said and left.

Deidara frowned as he watched him depart. His disgust for cigarettes was a lot greater than he'd let it show now; the only reason he hid it was to prevent a fight. He had to remind himself it was really none of his business whether Sasori smoked or not. He just hoped the other wouldn't smell of them when he returned.

Deidara seated himself on the chair and opened the purse he had with him as hand luggage. Careful to cross his legs, not hold them apart like he was used to, he investigated the things inside the small handbag. He found make-up, his phone and wallet, a pocket mirror and a notebook. He took the latter out and folded it open.

By the time Sasori returned, Deidara'd already read through and memorized the list of Do's and Don'ts. The redhead didn't sit down peacefully like the other travellers who were waiting for the plane; he walked from one wall to the other, glancing out of the window from time to time, giving a glare and blowing out an impatient breath, as though he believed this would somehow make the time run faster.

Deidara rolled his eyes and decided to ignore him. Telling him to chill out would've probably done no good. He focused on memorizing everything written in his personal guide.

_Engagement ring is worn on the fourth finger of the left hand._

Deidara's eyes halted on that line, written in Konan's personal italic calligraphy. He glanced down at his own fingers and realized something was missing. He looked up, eyes searching for Sasori, and was about to say something, but the redhead was already beside him, pulling him up.

"It's time to go," he said stiffly and dragged the blond along. Deidara didn't appreciate being pulled along like a dog, but was too occupied with keeping his skirt from coming up for saying anything. When they finally came to a stop in front of the gates, Deidara shot the redhead a quick glare, before smoothing his skirt and fishing out his passport.

Sasori'd got them business class tickets – another luxury Deidara'd never experienced before. He was downright awestruck by the size and comfort of his chair that all complaints over being dragged along like a dog slipped his mind. He sunk into his seat, thinking life was great.

"Deidara," Sasori said when the plane had already taken off and the stewardesses were hustling by, taking orders from the passengers. "Here," he said and tossed a small blue box onto the blond's lap, "put it on."

Deidara looked at the small item in surprise for a moment before his eyebrows lowered and face cleared. He opened the box and found a small silver ring with a single-diamond. "_Very _romantic," he commented sarcastically, giving the redhead an unamused, sideways look.

"Hope it fits," Sasori muttered, looking out of the window.

Deidara sighed in annoyance. He hadn't expected anything formal or genuine, but this was a little too harsh. The redhead could've at least acted friendlyor in a manner that _didn't _indicate that Deidara was only an eyesore. The blond wasn't sure whether taking offense was reasonable on his part or not.

All anxiety that had filled him earlier that morning at home was faded out by the irritation that Sasori had caused. Deidara took the ring out of its case and tried it on. Surprisingly it fit perfectly. To top it off, it looked quite expensive, which helped to perk the blond up a tiny bit. It definitely looked better than a golden one would have and Deidara was glad that it was made of silver.

"Brings out the colour of your eyes," Sasori commented.

Deidara glanced up and found the redhead, propped on one elbow, giving him a measuring look. He wasn't smiling, but the stiffness brought on by the delay was gone at least.

The corner of Deidara's mouth quirked slightly upwards. "Thanks," he muttered, deciding to forgive and forget about the harshness. It wasn't worth being made a big deal out of.

-x-

Once the two had retrieved their luggage, Sasori gently put a hand over Deidara's waist. The blond stiffed at this, but exhaled slowly and tried to relax – after all, he'd known this was coming.

"My cousin is coming to pick us up," Sasori said. "I hope you're ready."

Deidara was nervous, to say the least. His feet didn't feel at all like they had any bones in them – they were made of marshmallows and jelly. His throat went dry and he found it hard to keep his breathing even as they walked through the airport to the parking lot.

"Could you _not _make a face like you're being dragged to a slaughter house?" Sasori asked in irritation.

Deidara felt like stepping on the redhead's foot with his heel. He didn't do it only because he knew Sasori made a valid point. He was about to declare to everyone that he was marrying the love of his life – shouldn't he have been smiling like an idiot? With an immense amount of effort, he managed to replace the scowl with a terrified expression. He was going to play a woman who was afraid of making a bad impression, for smiling was out of his limits. Sasori could sue him.

"There he is," Sasori said and motioned towards another redhead, standing next to an orange SUV. The man had noticed them and peeled himself off the jeep he'd been leaning on. Sasori locked eyes with him, pressed his lips into Deidara's hair, making it look like he was giving the blond a kiss, and whispered, "Remember my first name."

Deidara swallowed. "Yes, Danna."

"Long time no see, Gaara," Sasori greeted the redhead as they approached, giving him one of his rare smiles that wasn't returned.

"Indeed," Gaara agreed, and his gaze slithered from his relative to the blonde woman standing next to him. A moment of silence passed, all the while Deidara was wondering whether he was expected to say something first. Fortunately, Sasori saved him from the trouble.

"This is Deidara_, _my _fiancée_," he said, trying to sound as casual as possible. It was harder than he'd first thought. "Deidara, this is Gaara, my cousin."

Deidara attempted a smile. "I-it's a pleasure to meet you," he squeaked, and extended his hand for a handshake when, without his permission or approval, his fingers were captured by said redheaded relative and a short-lived kiss was placed on the back of his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine," said Gaara, letting go of the hand.

Deidara's whole body felt paralyzed and his brain had frozen. While everything about him on the outside looked calm and still, voices in his mind were screaming like fans at a rock concert. _HOLY SHIT, THEY KISS HANDS AS A GREETING. I'M NOT PREPARED FOR THIS KIND OF FORMALITY. SOMEBODY, HELP ME! _

The blond stood still like a stone figure while his and Sasori's luggage was loaded into the car. Without asking any questions, he climbed onto the backseat as Gaara got behind the wheel and Sasori took the front passenger seat. Focusing on inhaling and exhaling as slowly as possible, Deidara stayed silent and looked out of the window as the vehicle rolled off.

There wasn't much conversing going on during the ride. From the first impression Deidara could tell that this Gaara guy wasn't a social bunny; he seemed to fall under the same category as Sasori. Deidara wasn't sure whether he liked it or not. It was nice staying silent and not having to answer any questions just yet, but to have another nonchalant redhead around wasn't exactly what he would've preferred.

Sasori and Gaara exchanged a few quiet words that Deidara paid no mind to. He was busy mentally preparing himself for whatever was to come. There was a part of him that wished they'd never have to leave the car. He couldn't have felt less ready for having to meet a bunch of strangers he was going to have to make a good impression to.

Unfortunately, this seemed to be a relatively small town, and, before long, the car pulled into a beautiful, enormous garden, surrounding a villa no less posh-looking than Deidara had expected it to be. He gave a heavy sigh and undid his seatbelt, getting out of the car. _Better get this over with as quickly as possible, _he thought and walked to the back of the car to retrieve his luggage.

"I'll take it," Gaara said, snatching the blond's bag out of the trunk before the other could touch it.

Deidara blinked in surprise and slightly jumped at the loud slam that the trunk was closed with. "Uh, thanks," he muttered, casting his gaze down. He didn't dare to argue, fearing it would be too unwomanly.

"Come on now, dear," Sasori muttered, looping a hand around Deidara's waist as the other hand pulled his own suitcase along. "Let's get this over with," he said, speaking the blond's exact thoughts out loud.

_Glad to see we're on the same page, _Deidara commented mentally.

-z-

The couple – Gaara had abandoned them and disappeared into the house, leaving them alone – was greeted by a roomful of people, despite the early hours. The moment Sasori had pushed the front door open, yelling had started, calling whoever had been elsewhere at that time downstairs. Within minutes, people of every age had made their way to the living room and that was where they stood now, monitoring the blond and redhead like visitors in a zoo.

Little kids were shouting despite being rebuked by their parents repeatedly and made noise so loud that Deidara was sure he wasn't going to last over two hours in that house. Adults were bombing the two with questions and congratulations, praising Sasori on his good choice non-stop. Two elderly women made room for them on the sofa and that's where the two were instantly seated down. Sasori's hand remained around Deidara and the latter was glad for that – it gave him an unreasonable sense of security.

"So, tell us all about yourselves," a long haired brunette woman - who'd been introduced as Sasori's younger sister Haku, if Deidara remembered correctly – said, as she poured tea into two mugs in front of them. "How did you two meet?"

_Shit, _Deidara nearly cussed out loud. They'd forgotten all about making up a background story for themselves. What were they supposed to do now? Tell the truth and add a few untrue details? He gripped the mug that he'd picked up in order to excuse his silence by drinking and prayed that Sasori would say something quickly, for his lips were shut.

"Deidara works for me," Sasori put it bluntly, making the blond next to him nearly choke on his tea. Deidara cast the redhead an unbelieving look. _Could the man have been any more disconcerting? _That was when Deidara made up his mind on not letting the other tell the whole story.

"We met at a party," Deidara put in sharply.

"Yes, an office party," Sasori agreed nonchalantly.

Deidara frowned visibly, but decided to let it be. He took another sip of tea, wishing it were nerve-calming wine instead. The slight disagreement seemed to have gone unnoticed by everybody else in the room.

"That's nice," Haku said and sat down in an armchair across from them. "How long have you been together?"

"A month" was Sasori's automatic response. This almost made Deidara shriek. _Was this guy a complete idiot?_

"It was a month ago that Danna proposed to me," Deidara amended quickly. "We've been going out for over two years now." The glare the blond cast Sasori was supposed to say clearly, _Don't you understand that people don't just marry after being only a month together?!_

Haku's eyebrows rose. "Quite impressive," she mused, then broke into a short fit of giggles. "You managed to keep it a secret from us all this time, big brother!"

For a brief moment it seemed to Deidara like Sasori was going to deny the two years, but, to his relief, the redhead merely shrugged.

A middle-aged woman named Laila – Sasori's mother – laughed on the other side of the room and then hurried to them. "You weasel, my Sassy! You listened to my entire monologue that morning without saying a single word about this beauty you were hiding in New York!"

"When's the wedding?"

"When can I expect grandchildren?"

"Where are you going for your honeymoon?"

"Has Deidara picked out the dress yet?"

And the avalanche of questions continued as clamorously as before. Deidara did his best to keep a smile on his face and answer all the questions as politely as possible, but in the end it was all just too wearisome for him and he was all too happy when they finally got away.

Haku escorted the two to their room, understanding Deidara's desire to flee maybe better than anyone else. They were supposed to stay in Sasori's old room. It was lofty and elegant, perhaps even royal-looking. Only one problem struck the blond when examining the room's interior – that was only one bed. It was a king size double bed, yes, but it was _one. _

As soon as Haku left them alone, Deidara said, "I'm taking the bed and I'm not sharing."

Sasori nodded wordlessly and started unpacking. Deidara found his luggage on the floor next to the bed. He zipped the suitcase open and rummaged through the contents. He was very glad when finding a pair of sweatpants and a unisex, loose t-shirt – at least he had something to relax in, in the evening. He pushed them aside and rummaged further, pulling out the most comfortable-looking dress he could find. Konan had clearly told him to change clothes at least five times a day – and always after a longer trip.

"They're serving breakfast," Sasori said when the blond finally finished dressing. Deidara glimpsed at the mirror one last time to ensure his make-up, fake chest and hair were all how they were supposed to be, and followed the redhead out.

-x-

The dining table was long, to put it lightly. It could've seated about forty people but, at the moment, only ten were present. Sasori and Deidara sat down next to each other, the blond wearing a polite smile, while the other didn't bother.

While eating, Deidara tried to memorize the faces of the people, their names and their relations to Sasori. The gray-haired woman sitting at the left end of the table was Sasori's grandmother Chiyo. Frankly, Deidara didn't feel comfortable with her. Her gaze was like of a policeman's who was investigating a crime and Deidara felt like the prime suspect. He tried to remain neutral, though.

Haku wasn't currently present, but her husband and teenage son were. So were Tenten – Sasori's second sister -, her husband and daughter who was around the age of 6.

Gaara was sitting as silently as ever at the right end of the table; next to him was a blonde woman who was his sister, and an older brunette whose name and importance Deidara had long forgotten.

"So, Deidara," Chiyo started and, once again, the blond felt like he was at an interrogation, "Where do you-"

Her sentence was rudely cut off by the young girl with pink hair who was the daughter of Tenten, "Aunt Deidara, do you love Uncle Sasori?" Chiyo cast the little girl a condemning look, but said nothing. Her gaze smoothly slithered to the 'aunt'.

"Why yes, of course," Deidara said with a smile, trying to hide his astonishment behind the polite facade.

"How much?" the girl inquired curiously.

Deidara had to put a lot of effort into maintaining the smile. "How much do _you _love him?" he countered.

The girl put on a thoughtful face before spreading her arms wide apart to show the immense amount of her love. It was a heart-warming sight.

"Then we have something in common," Deidara replied.

The girl gave him a wide, teeth-baring smile (although she was missing two at the front). "Fucking awesome!" she exclaimed.

Tenten dropped her fork and the rest of the adults became very still at once.

"Who told you that word, Tayuya?!" Tenten demanded from her daughter.

Tayuya seemed to be oblivious of having done anything wrong. "That fucker!" she chimed happily, pointing her finger at the silver-haired teenage boy sitting between Tenten and Haku's husband.

"Hidan!" Tenten scolded loudly.

As if on cue, the dining room doors were opened and Haku stepped into the room. Having heard her son's name being mentioned, her eyebrows rose.

"What did Hidan do again?" she asked. Hands on hips, Deidara witnessed the cheerful woman turning into an angry demon, radiating an aura of doom. Her silver-haired son shrank visibly in his chair and slid down the backrest in hope to be able to escape under the table before being noticed.

That attempt was a lost cause, though. A strong hand travelled down the chair and grabbed his collar, pulling him up like a puppy and out for all to see. He was placed in front of his poisonous-looking mother, and left at her mercy.

Sulking, Hidan crossed his arms and cast his gaze down. "It's not my fucking fault. You wanted me to spend time with her, and now that I fucking did-"

"WATCH your language, young man, or you'll be kissing your iPhone goodbye!"

The bickering went on and, in addition to a computer ban, Hidan also received extra responsibilities as punishment – having to read a bedtime story to Tayuya twice a day (before naptime too) and taking her to some girl Mika's house whenever Tayuya asked him to. Tayuya, of course, was very happy to hear that she'd get to spend more time with her _fucking awesome _cousin, but Hidan was venting so vulgarly that he was asked to leave the room.

Meanwhile, the blonde woman sitting next to her brother Gaara started talking to Deidara, casually ignoring Sasori's presence between them. "I hope you forgive us for our failure on pretending to be a perfect family; no family ever does achieve that goal."

Deidara smiled politely. "It's only natural. Kids will be kids after all."

The woman nodded, although her lips were slightly pursed when her eyes momentarily flickered to the leaving boy. "I don't think I've been formally introduced, yet," she said, turning back to Deidara. "My name is Temari."

"I'm Deidara," Deidara said, although there was no real need. It was obvious the other already knew that. "Pleasure to meet you."

-x-

If the morning had been tiresome for Deidara, he was _definitely _not ready for what was to come. Haku and Tenten were 100% convinced that a girls' day out was exactly what the doctor had ordered for the poor blond. They even went as far as to drag Temari along, although she looked just about as willing as Deidara.

"C'mon, it'll be fun! We'll make sure you enjoy your time here!"

Deidara gave a yes only because he couldn't think of a polite enough way to decline. What truly got him through it all, though, were the repetitive three words running through his head: _Just three days._

The two women were more than happy to show Deidara every little shop the tiny little town had to offer – from groceries to make-up stores, from shoe stores to clothing-oriented ones, plus every jewellery boutique and flower shop. Deidara – who hated shopping with all his heart – quickly learnt to see the good side of things; the town was _small _and after about the tenth visit, he was pretty sure there couldn't have been many shops left.

Or so he dearly hoped, at least.

Once they finally got back to the house – or mansion, however you wish to call it – Deidara disappeared into his and Sasori's room as quickly as possible. On his way there, he nearly dripped on his heels when Tayuya – loudly singing 'I Eat Apples and Bananas' – dashed past him and Hidan sashayed behind her, paying more attention to his PSP than the girl, and constantly monotonically muttering, "Come back, Tayuya. Bedtime," as though he expected the other to hear or take him seriously.

Deidara slammed the door shut and locked it; kicked off his heels and moaned at the heavenly feeling that was standing on bare feet. After a minute of savouring the feel, he limped to the bed and plopped down face first. At that moment, he couldn't care less about changing his clothes or taking a shower. All he wanted was some peace and quiet, and sleep.

It was when the bathroom door opened and, Deidara sleepily raised his head to see, Sasori walked out of the steaming room, dressed in a nightgown. Obviously the sight wasn't interesting enough for the blond, for he let his head fall back on the bed in a second.

"How was the _girl_-time?" Sasori asked.

A low groan could be heard from the rich-coloured sheets. The redhead allowed himself a smirk at that.

"I hope my family wasn't too bothersome for you," he said, although to Deidara it remained unclear whether he was serious or mocking.

The blond raised his head a notch and then rolled onto his back. "Nah, they're actually really nice. I like them." Deidara decided to keep silent about the redhead's grandmother and her dirty looks. "Although they're a little... too energetic at times. They're still nice. Your family is nice."

"That's great to hear," Sasori muttered and took out the pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket.

Deidara wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Ever thought about quitting?" he asked. "And you're not going to smoke it here inside, are you?"

Sasori gave him a brief, level look, before taking the smoke and putting the pack back. "Yes and no," was his reply as he snatched a lighter off the cupboard; he opened the French windows to the balcony and stepped outside, sliding them closed right after him.

Deidara frowned. "At least I don't have to sleep beside him," he muttered to himself. "That smell of cigarettes would keep me awake all night."

-x-

The clock was yet to strike six when Sasori almost fell down from the cough after being woken up abruptly by a loud crash and an explosive sound. He shot up immediately, glancing around himself and scanning the room like in military.

On the floor before the cupboard beside the bed, there could be seen a small pile of dried and demolished clay.

"What – the – hell?" Sasori nearly shouted at the blond who had just sat up and was peacefully stretching his limbs and yawning.

"Oh so-sorrrryyy," Deidara said with another yawn, "I forgot to warn you last night. It's just my alarm clock."

Sasori rubbed his temples, trying to get a grip on the whole situation. "Okay, I think I can understand that your alarm clock makes the sound of a cannon, but do you mind explaining to me what that small pile on the floor next to your bed is?"

Deidara glanced down and gave a sheepish smile. "I was quite the chemic nerd back in high school. The small clay figure I set on the cupboard last night is very sensitive and went off at my phone's vibration."

Sasori looked at him with an unbelievable and astonished expression. For a moment he was completely dumbfounded, and Deidara mistook that for a compliment. Then, however, Sasori said, "_That _is _the _most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You buy clay sculptures to destroy them every morning?"

Deidara looked like he'd been punched in the gut. "Well _excuse _me, but I certainly _do not _buy any of those clay sculptures. I make them."

Sasori shook his head. "That's a pity. I saw the one you just destroyed last night and it looked quite good."

"Then why is it a pity?"

"Because you just _destroyed _it, obviously." Sasori rolled his eyes and, seeing as he was already wide awake, got up from the couch and began folding his sheets.

Deidara didn't seem to get it though. He looked at the redhead from his bundle of blankets like a confused puppy. "_So?_" he asked when realizing that Sasori wasn't planning on explaining himself.

"Nothing," Sasori said. "You merely ruined a piece of art, is all."

Deidara gasped as he finally realized what the other was getting at. It took him a moment to collect himself. "I most certainly did _not _ruin it!"

"It's in pieces, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is!" Deidara exclaimed defensively.

"Then what are we even...?"

"Being blown up is the whole point! It's the moment art _becomes _art! It's what makes it art! What part of it remains unclear to you?"

Sasori snapped his head at the blond so quickly he was sure he heard it snap and pop. "_What?_"

Deidara raised an eyebrow, not understanding why the other looked so angry all of a sudden. "What?" he asked cluelessly.

Sasori was enraged, as though the blond had just insulted him profanely. To him, at least, it did seem so. Deidara had talked nonsense about _art, _which could be considered even worse than the latter.

"Artbecomes art when it's _made_; it doesn't become anything when destroyed. Quite the opposite – demolishing it is ruining its beauty. Art needs to be eternal, or it's nothing."

Had there been anything in Deidara's mouth at the moment he heard those words, he would've spit them out, most preferably in Sasori's face. "Have you lost your marbles? There isn't such thing as eternity! More importantly, art is fleeting! If it were any longer, it would become boring."

Sasori shook his head in disgust. "Art can never be boring. And of course there is such thing as eternity! You blow up valuable art and _I'm _the lunatic here?!"

"Either that or just seriously misguided!" Deidara exclaimed. "And name one thing that has lasted for an eternity!"

"Human stupidity," Sasori snapped. "Or, when, talking about sculptures – take notes – ancient Greek sculptures, for example."

Deidara snorted indignantly. "A few thousand years hardly makes an eternity! And they're already partly ruined – missing limbs and flaked paint."

"Why are _you _complaining? You like ruined art, don't you?" Sasori snubbed.

Something inside Deidara snapped then. "That's it! This conversation is over!" He got out of the bed and pulled out a thick nightgown that hid effectively his flatness from his bag; he put it on and stormed out the room in a huff without any make-up or even tying his hair. Sasori would've warned him about it, had he not been so angry. Given the circumstances, he let the other go and get out of his sight without a single word.

-x-

"Sasori, dear! Where is your darling DeiDei?" a chiming voice sounded from the kitchen just as Sasori stepped into the dining room.

"Uh, I think she went for a walk. Why?" was the redhead's reply as he tried to sound casual and not let his irritation show.

A brunette head popped out on the doorway and gave Sasori an astonished, then suspicious look. "You _are_ taking a good care of her, aren't you?"

Sasori had nearly forgotten the personality of a crime investigator that his sister had. She could inquire about the tiniest, most irrelevant details and always hit the bull's eye. Sometimes he feared the woman was secretly stalking him.

"Do you have a reason to believe otherwise?"

Haku shrugged and fully came out from behind the wall, holding a plate she was towelling, and gave a shrug. "I don't know. She seemed oddly... hurried when going out earlier today. Almost as if upset."

The sudden feeling of guilt was quickly pushed out of the redhead's mind before the brain could even register it. "Someone called her in the morning and she claimed to have some important business to attend to," Sasori lied smoothly. "I didn't inquire because she didn't seem to want me to. She said she'd be back soon."

"She rushed out of here over an hour ago." Haku's face had cleared, but a note of suspicion still remained in her voice.

"I'm sure she will be back soon," Sasori assured her.

With that Haku left and went back to the kitchen.

-x-

Sasori stood outside on the corner of the house with a cigarette. He'd chosen the spot so he'd be the first to see when his 'fiancée' returned. Once he saw the light-haired figure coming down the road, he squished his smoke against the trash can and waited patiently for the other to get closer.

What he hadn't expected, though, was for the blond to pass by him as though _he _was the trash can; not once did Deidara show a sign of recognition as he walked past the figure standing beside the stone wall.

"Where were you?" Sasori asked, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. Why would've he? He was still pissed at the blond too.

Deidara didn't react, only kept marching towards the entrance to the house. It was only now that Sasori noticed the other was wearing only a pair of sweatpants and a nightgown. He grabbed the blond by his wrist.

"You can't go in there like that," he said.

"And why the fuck not?" Deidara snapped so harshly that Sasori took a step back out of surprise and his grip tightened. "Don't touch me!" The redhead's hand was batted away with full force.

Sasori stared at the other wide-eyed. He'd known he was upset, but this was far beyond what he'd expected to see. He'd always viewed his employee as a rational and calm person; witnessing him reacting so vociferously stunned him greatly. Guess this was why they said one shouldn't judge the book by its cover.

"We can't have them see us fighting," Sasori stated, trying to think rationally while every cell in his body would've preferred yelling at the blond. "The marriage-"

"You know what?" Deidara cut him off, "I couldn't care less about the _fucking _marriage. I'm not going to put up with any of this bullshit, if you act like this!"

"_Me?!_" Sasori demanded unbelievingly, gesturing towards himself with both hands. "_I'm _the one behaving badly? Who ran off earlier-"

"You're unbelievable!" Deidara yelled. "Of course it's you! _You're _the one who started insulting something very precious to me out of the blue!"

"It was _not _out of the blue, Deidara," Sasori pressed, having trouble keeping his tone moderate. "Your – _art – _woke me up six AM in the morning! You could've warned me at least!"

"I _would've _but you were out smoking last night! I fell asleep before you got back!" Deidara made a pause, catching his breath. He'd been yelling so loudly that his throat hurt now. Despite the cold weather he felt quite hot in his nightgown and was sure his face was all red. When he continued, his voice was a lot quieter, but kind of shaky. "I couldn't warn you before you went out because... I forgot, alright?!" Deidara turned his head away, praying that the tears he felt building up in his eyes wouldn't fall.

Sasori didn't know what to say. He stared dumbly at the blond, trying to figure out what he expected him to say. While his brain was working on that, his mouth remained shut and everything was silent around them. He dearly hoped none of his family members would decide to come outside now. He didn't need any of them witnessing this.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Deidara said, hiding his face in his hair. He knew at least one tear had already run down his cheek and hoped Sasori wouldn't see that; he tried to hold the rest back. "I'm sorry for waking you up so early. It's true that I forgot."

Sasori thought this to be the key sentence to the peaceful end to their argument, but then Deidara came out from behind his curtain of hair, wearing an expression of steel. Sasori didn't get to dread what was to come for long.

"Unless you apologize right now, I'm going to pack my stuff and leave. The deal shall be off."

One glance at the window above them told Sasori exactly how screwed they were, did he not do something fast. So he took action and did the first thing that came to his mind – two arms reached out and wrapped around the blond, pulling him towards him and rubbings the his back. He held the position for a few moments before whispering, "I'm sorry for insulting your art, Deidara. It was extremely rude of me and I apologize."

There was silence for a couple of minutes. Deidara's face was buried in Sasori's jacket when he said, "Sasori no Danna?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you hugging me?"

Sasori pressed his lips against the blond hair and said, "We're pretending to be having a moment. Grandma Chiyo is watching us from the living room window." Just as he said that, the figure on the window disappeared, but Sasori didn't let go just yet. In case there was someone else watching them, he decided to hold on for a little more.

"Sasori?"

"Hm?"

"You smell of cigarettes."

Sasori gave a heavy sigh. "Sorry," he said and let go of the other.

"It's alright," Deidara muttered and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just... a little bit difficult to get used to, is all."

Sasori felt compelled to apologize again, but decided against it. He scraped his red hair back and blew out a breath, suddenly extremely aware of the awkward silence that had settled between them. "We should probably go inside. It's quite cold here."

Deidara nodded silently and they headed for the entrance.

On the doorway they were both greeted by no other but granny Chiyo herself. Deidara's guess was right when he thought Sasori wasn't too pleased to see her either. They halted awkwardly and stood still for a moment while Chiyo ran her eyes up and down them, finally saying, "I want the two of you in my room right now."

Not for a second did Deidara see that as a good thing. He and Sasori followed Chiyo silently up the stairs, the blond wishing he'd been dressed more properly and had his make-up on. With little success he tried to hide as much as he could of his face behind his fringe without making it seem unnatural.

They were escorted to what seemed like Chiyo's personal office and a library combined. The ceiling-high shelves and the books in them looked old and ancient, but without dust. Deidara felt shy when entering the redoubtable room; it had the exact same aura as Chiyo herself – cold and formidable.

The woman walked in an even pace to the neat desk and took a seat behind it, opening the large book placed before her. Deidara watched her turn the pages as trepidation grew in him, climbing to higher, near-panic levels.

He longed to know what Sasori was thinking. Surely he knew better what was going on. When he chanced a glance at the redhead's face, though, it was as emotionless as a brick. Trying to analyze a turtle's facial expression would've been equally efficient.

"As I heard, this visit isn't only in honour of our family reunion, but you children planned on turning it into an engagement party," Chiyo mused, her cold, calm eyes regarding the book.

"Hardly children anymore, Granny," Sasori corrected, his facial expression matching Chiyo's perfectly. Glancing back and forth between them, Deidara finally figured out where Sasori got his personality from. Definitely not from his cheerful mother.

Chiyo looked up. "Regardless," her voice cut through the silent atmosphere like a sharpened knife, "you two are planning on getting married, am I correct?"

"Yes," Sasori replied while Deidara was too scared to open his mouth, therefore only nodded.

Chiyo nodded too and lowered her gaze again. She found the page she'd been looking for and turned the book over so the couple could see. "Then I just wanted to introduce you to this," she said as Sasori and Deidara looked down at the book. "Sasori, you already know this, but I wanted your _fiancée _to know as well."

Deidara found himself staring down on a dozens of generations long family tree that seemed to trace back as far as the medieval ages. His jaw hanged loose and a shiver ran down his backbone as he sensed where this conversation was heading to.

"There hasn't been a single divorce in the entire Akasuna family history."

Deidara felt like disappearing into the ground right at that moment. Why hadn't Sasori warned him of this?

"Which is to say," the woman continued, standing up and putting the book back in the bookcase, "I, as the oldest living member of this family, want to ensure that this _marriage _of yours isn't short-lived."

"How exactly are you planning to confirm that?" Sasori asked. Deidara admired deeply his ability to speak at that moment, for he wouldn't have dared to make a sound even if there'd been a gun pointed at him.

"Firstly, my dear grandson, I want to make sure you two haven't been lying about the time you two have been together," Chiyo said and seated herself behind the desk once more. "You see, I happened to overhear a conversation between you and your mother a few days ago. At that time, she seemed particularly worried about you being single. And now, only a few days later, you show up with a pride none of us have ever heard about before."

Sasori coughed. "We merely wanted to-"

"I know, I understand," Chiyo interrupted him, raising her palms, "you wanted to make it a surprise. Very well, then you won't have any trouble passing this little test of mine."

"What kind of test?" Sasori asked, his eyes narrowed. Deidara was glad he asked, for he was dying to know himself, but couldn't build up enough courage to ask himself.

"Before you leave and before the marriage, I want you two to sit in separate rooms. I'm going to ask questions from both of you about things any well-fit couple would know about each other. Your answers, of course, have to match in order for you to get my permission to marry."

-x-

The rest of the day rolled by in a nerve-wrecking slow motion for Deidara. He met a couple of other Sasori's relatives who all congratulated him and Sasori on their engagement. He was given flowers appropriate for a female and a blue teddy bear, suggesting that everybody was expecting a newborn quite soon.

Deidara made a face at the toy when no one but the redhead was looking and said that he was going to throw it away later. Sasori took the toy from him then and gave it a kiss on the forehead, telling the blond not to be such a baby. Deidara got the toy back after that. Magically his distaste for the bear seemed to decrease quickly.

Chiyo's words were still echoing in his mind every minute and second, slowly but surely driving him insane. He was longing for a chance to talk to Sasori in private, but that time seemed to never come. It was exhausting to see the redhead's calm face and having to wonder what thoughts could've been hidden behind that facade.

It was only after dinner around 6 that Deidara dared to excuse himself to his bedroom, saying he had a headache. Laila and Haku instantly showed their concern and offered painkillers and tea, but the blond waved them off, insisting that the only thing he truly needed was sleep.

A wave of relief washed over him when he finally got to shut the door after him. He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair. The annoying piece of clothing on him that was a silky navy blue dress was immediately disposed of. Deidara couldn't remember why he used to like cross-dressing anymore. It'd only been two days and he was already fed up with female clothes of any kind.

The next to go was the makeup.

Deidara went to the bathroom and took the bottle of make-up remover from the cupboard, left there from the night before. He cleaned his face and took a hot shower, taking extra time to wash his hair thoroughly as well. From the cupboard below the sink he found two towels – he used one to dry his hair with and wrapped the other one around his waist. Done with that, he stepped out of the steaming bathroom and plopped down on the bed.

He closed his eyes and was about to nod off, when a sudden knock on the door startled him. He heard the door starting to open and jumped up in a split-second.

"W-WAIT a moment please!"

Deidara was already out of bed and had made it halfway to the bathroom when the door opened completely and revealed Sasori who stepped inside. The blond froze mid-step. Sasori's eyes briefly glanced around in the room before settling on Deidara. An amused smirk made its way across his lips.

"Relax, it's only me," he said and closed the door.

Deidara didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he exhaled again. "Jesus, warn me next time, alright?! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," Sasori muttered and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

Deidara, who had been glaring intensely at the other until then, let his expression soften and gave the other a friendly smile. "It's alright." He walked to his suitcase and fished out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. Changing quickly, he also put on his night gown in case someone else got the sudden urge to visit him.

"How're you feeling?" Sasori asked and took a seat in the armchair, crossing his legs.

"Fine. I just wanted to get away from it all, you know. It's quite tiring." As if to prove his words, he sprawled onto the bed.

"Yes, of course."

"By the way, Danna," Deidara started, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself on his elbows, "what are we going to do about Chiyo?"

Sasori casually shrugged and the blond got the feeling that unlike him, the redhead hadn't been worried about it for a second. "Nothing."

"But she said-"

"Deidara," Sasori put in, "I'm a grown man. I don't think my grandmother's opinion of my bride is going to stop me from marrying."

"But what if she does conduct this 'test' of hers and neither of us is able to answer the most basic questions?" Deidara argued. "Wasn't the whole point of this to fool your family?"

"That is none of your concern," Sasori snapped a bit harshly, making the other fall quiet; Deidara's eyes glowed dangerously as he glared at the unwavering redhead. "I suggest you don't worry yourself with it."

The blond pursed his lips and turned his head away. "You're giving me a headache." He pulled the blanket off the bed and replaced it on top of himself, while muttering, "I'm tired. Let me sleep."

He closed his eyes and waited until he heard the other rise, tread across the room silently like a cat, open the door and let it fall shut after himself. Only when Deidara was completely sure that he was alone in the room did he open his eyes. After a quick glance around he blew out a breath and rolled onto his back, sticking his hands below his head. Gaze directed at the white ceiling, he kept staring at it for quite a while when finally letting one word escape his lips.

"Bastard."

-x-

The following morning Sasori wasn't woken up by an alarm clock or an explosion at six o'clock. Actually, he wasn't awoken for quite some time. Last night had apparently been hard on him; Deidara, who hadn't fallen asleep before midnight, hadn't witnessed his return. He had wondered where the redhead could've bee, but pride hadn't allowed him to go searching for him.

So now that Sasori had returned, he seemed to be asleep so deeply that not even an earthquake could've woken him up.

This morning Deidara was the first to arise, but not of his own accord. A loud knock on the door and a sweet voice chiming, "Room service!" were the alarm clock for him this time. Hearing the voice dully through his sleep, the blond's first reaction was to turn to the side and cover his ear with a pillow. But as the distinctive scent from the sheets entered his nose that was buried in them, the reality of where he was thundered through his dream world and awoke him with a sharp snap.

Deidara sat up at the speed of light, listening more closely to the sound he might have heard.

The knocking repeated again. "Are you darlings awake?"

"Shit..." Deidara muttered and crawled quickly forward on the bed. "_Sasori!" _he hissed, "_Sasori!_"

The redhead didn't move an inch.

"Shit," Deidara cussed again; he cleared his throat then and said loudly, "Yes, we are! One moment, please!" He grabbed a pillow. "_Sasori!" _He threw the pillow at the other as hard as he could. Another pillow and a pair of slippers adjacent to the bed soon followed. The next candidate for being thrown would've probably been the phone on the cupboard, had Sasori not opened his eyes before that.

His glare would've scared the living daylights out of the blond, had the latter not already been frightened by the situation where Sasori's relatives walked in on the two of them sleeping in separate beds.

Deidara pointed with great emphasis at the door the exact same time there was another knock; he motioned for the redhead to come over quickly.

Sasori seemed to understand because the anger on his face faded and he quickly got up from the couch, taking his blanket with him. Deidara moved to the side to make room for the other as Sasori slipped under the sheets. Deidara wiggled down further until the hem of the blanket touched his chin.

An arm slid under Deidara's head and suddenly he found himself pressed against the redhead's side, his nose uncomfortably close to the other's shirt. His immediate reaction upon this was to push himself away, but the strong hands didn't let him, holding him captive like a zoo animal in a cage. Deidara had no other choice but to breathe in; he bit the insides of his cheek, preparing himself for the awful smell...

...but the only smell that he recognized was a warm, fresh scent; not a trace of smokes and cigarettes. It was very pleasant. Deidara caught himself inhaling it more deeply when the door swung open.

"Breakfast to bed!" Haku exclaimed as she, Laila (Sasori's mother), and Chiyo stepped in, Haku carrying a large tray with fresh muffins, juice and apples.

Even though the emotion was slightly ruined by Chiyo's scowling (at least to him it seemed scowling) presence, Deidara was utterly moved and thanked them graciously. He reached out and ate a muffin despite the uneasiness he felt inside; he wanted to show his gratefulness in every way possible.

"By the way," Haku started in an oddly excited tone as she poured juice into the two mugs they'd brought, "we were thinking." She paused, as if she was expecting an encouraging question to go on from the blond or her brother. Seeing as all she got was a hardly interested look from both of them, she continued speedily, "Wouldn't you like to get married while you're still here at home?"

A sharp emotion cut through Deidara at the word 'home', but the feeling was quickly faded out by the queasiness brought on by Haku's following words.

"We know that you're supposed to be leaving tonight, but as the CEO of the company, it shouldn't be too difficult for you to extend your holiday to a few more days, right, Sasori?" Haku had the kind of happy expression on her face that Deidara would've associated with a kid telling Santa all the good things she'd done.

Before Sasori could give a defiant, negative answer, Laila already put in, "We could have it all set up for tomorrow. You could leave tomorrow night!"

Deidara was shaking his head in a slow-motion, making it barely noticeable, while counting on the redhead to do the talking.

"This is too sudden, Mother," Sasori said, "Give me one good reason why this couldn't wait a month."

"Because," Haku drawled the last syllable into a whine, "you'll be off to New York and we'd have to come all that way to that rotten city. It would be a lot more wonderful for you two to get married here, in your hometown. Besides, nana Chiyo and Ebizou wouldn't even make it! You know they can't fly!"

The moment Haku mentioned the woman's name, Deidara was convinced Chiyo was behind all this. She wanted to be able to keep an eye on them, no doubt.

"You _do _want your whole family at the wedding, do you not, Sasori?" Chiyo asked, a sceptical note that perhaps only Sasori was able to recognize in her voice.

Sasori was quick to realize that in order for his plan to have the maximum impact, he didn't have another choice. He chanced a brief glance at Deidara for any reaction – reluctant assent or strong disapproval – but the blond wasn't looking at him, leaving him with no other option but to make the decision himself.

"Alright, yes, tomorrow."

Haku clapped her hands and jumped into the air. Sasori heard Deidara groan almost inaudibly and squeezed his shoulder in an attempt of comfort. The blond let out a quiet sigh.

"I'll be waiting for you downstairs in fifteen minutes. Get changed quickly," Haku said as she and the others started to leave.

"For what?" Deidara asked in a daze. He still had trouble wrapping his mind around what was currently happening.

"We're going to find you the perfect dress, of course, silly!"

Once again, Deidara was abruptly snapped out of his daze by the woman's words. He knew that he couldn't go dress hunting with them – what if one of them walked in on him changing and realized his chest was all fake? His brain worked faster than usual to make up the perfect excuse.

"Uh, sorry, no, but I already have one picked out," Deidara bluffed smoothly, "I'm going to have my sister bring it."

Haku's eyebrows shot up in surprise, as though she just remembered something. "Oh, that's right, I forgot to ask – will this be alright with your family? Will they be able to make it?"

Now it was time for Deidara to hide his discomfort behind a polite, humble smile. "Uh, I don't have any other family than my sister. But yes, she'll be able to make it."

Haku's face turned apologetic instantly. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know," she whispered.

Mentally counting seconds, Deidara kept up the smile for a little longer. "No, that's okay. Don't worry about it."

Haku still looked unsure, but nodded. "Alright, we'll take our leave then. See you downstairs." She shut the door after herself as she was the last one to leave the room.

-x-

"You never told me about your family," Sasori said as Deidara got out of the bed, crossed the room to his suitcase and squatted down to rummage through its contents.

"You never asked" was the prompt, a little too quick and hurried reply he got that should've got the message across that Deidara didn't feel like dwelling on this particular topic.

Maybe Sasori was left of hard of hearing back then and didn't recognize the tone, or perhaps he was just feeling tactless and curious at the given time, but he decided to press it. "What happened to them?"

Deidara didn't answer. He was silent, seemingly unaware of the set of deep brown eyes drilling into – almost through - him like needles piercing a fabric. "I need to make a call," he muttered in a half-apologetic voice, as though he needed an excuse for leaving the question unanswered.

He stood up and walked over to the window, gaze directed outside, hitting the speed dial. He raised the mobile phone up to his ear and waited for the person on the other end of the line to pick up. He did not have to wait for long.

When he started talking, Sasori, who was still lying in bed under the sheets and was paying close attention to the blond, didn't understand a word. Deidara was speaking a foreign language with such remarkable fluency that had the redhead not heard him speak pure English without an accent, he could've sworn this was the other's mother tongue.

"The wedding's date has been set on tomorrow and I cannot do anything to change it," Deidara said in flawless Portuguese, "I need a dress by then, Konan."

The answer he received was "_Sem problemas_".

-x-

Deidara stayed quiet throughout the breakfast at the dining table and only spoke when Haku or someone else asked him something. Sasori cast him quizzical glances time and again, but didn't say anything. He surmised correctly that whatever it was on Deidara's mind, he wouldn't have wanted to discuss it in the presence of others.

When they left the table, Deidara asked him quietly, if he'd accompany him to the downtown. Sasori didn't voice any of the questions floating in his mind – why didn't he just ask Haku, who would've been a far more cheerful companion than him, or go by himself, if he wanted peace, since he should've known the way by heart after the long shopping trip. He simply grabbed his jacket from the clothes rack and followed the other out.

Their destination was at a reasonably long distance, so they took one of the cars in the garage and drove as far as the border of downtown. Sasori parked the vehicle in front of an old tattoo parlour and they got out at Deidara's request. From there on they went on foot and in silence, the blond being the one leading the way.

He directed them to a clothes' store. Sasori raised an eyebrow, but didn't break the silence. He didn't go very far into the shop, though. Hands in pockets, he observed from a distance as the blond went to the tights/stockings' section and picked out a pair.

Deidara checked the size before going up to the cashier and having them ring up the item first, then put it into a plastic bag. Having paid for his purchase, the blond took the bag and headed out of the door, Sasori turning on his heel and following him close behind.

Only when they entered a makeup store did Sasori finally open his mouth to inquire. "From what I've seen you have more than enough makeup with you. Why do you need more?"

"I didn't know I'd have to get married _here,_" Deidara said, looking through different eye-shadows, "Hence why I don't have suitable makeup for this kind of formality."

Sasori dramatically rolled his eyes. "You're really beginning to sound like a woman."

Deidara didn't reply. He picked out a turquoise blue eye-shadow and some light liquid foundation, and walked to the cashier. There, a set of shiny hairpins caught his eye and he decided to add those to his purchases also.

When they got out of the store, Deidara said that he'd bought all he'd needed and they could go back now. Sasori merely nodded as they crossed the street and started walking back at a rather slow pace.

Deidara's gaze was fixed downward as they moved abreast down the street. Sasori knew there was something bothering the other – had been since that morning – but he did not want to inquire. He deemed it to be better to let the other have the choice of bringing it up or keeping silent about it.

"You have a very nice, loving family," Deidara said suddenly so quietly that Sasori wasn't sure at first whether he'd actually heard or just imagined it. But then the blond looked up at him and their eyes met momentarily, before the redhead turned away.

"Indeed, I do," he agreed.

"I've never experienced that. It's really hard to get used to people acting so caring around you."

Sasori had no words to respond with. He stared quietly at the ground, waiting for the other to continue. A part of him wondered what had convinced Deidara to tell him, while the other part, however, struggled to understand why was he so interested in what he had to say. Why did the blond's words make him feel uneasy?

"I grew up in Portugal with both parents and my younger sister Konan, but the atmosphere was rarely..."- Deidara paused while searching for the right words – "_pleasant_ at my home. My parents were often fighting and I was left in the bedroom I shared with Konan, soothing her and telling her that everything would be fine over and over again..." Deidara trailed off.

The silence that fell stretched quite long and Sasori wasn't sure whether the blond was going to continue. He did, though.

"All that was nothing compared to my 13th birthday, though. It was the day that I decided to come out of the closet to my parents. Konan already knew, but I wanted to come clean to my parents too. I never expected them to take it too well, but I certainly wasn't prepared for the upcoming either.

"At first mom thought I was joking, and so did my father, even though it never seemed funny to him. He told me to stop my childish games. It was when I continued insisting that I was telling the truth that he got really angry.

"My mom didn't get angry, but rather worried. She said that it was possible I was just going through a _phase _and suggested taking me to a therapist. I refused, of course, but they took me there anyways.

"One of the worst parts was when the therapist called them both in after talking to me in private and said that I was absolutely fine and they shouldn't be worried about it. My father completely flipped then. He started yelling at the therapist and nearly hit her; security escorted us out.

"My mother told me that she needed some time to get used to the idea, and eventually, in a month or so, she said that she was ready to accept me as I am and that she'd love me no matter what happened. This is the greatest happiness that I can remember from my past.

"My father never did get used to it, though. He nagged at me non-stop, often saying things like 'Only females like boys' and calling me a girly. He even went as far as to _force_ me to the females' section in clothes' shops and then walk away laughing.

"One day I decided I'd had enough. I burrowed my friend's dress and wore it for a week just to piss father off. I also started wearing makeup and bought myself many female clothes. One day father totally flipped out and actually punched me in the face. I got a black eye, naturally, and covered it with my fringe until it healed. It's still a habit of mine.

"Then came the day that father called everyone to the living room and declared that he was going to disown me. I was 16. Mom took my side and yelled that I was her son no matter what. The biggest fight I'd ever seen between them followed. A week or so later when I woke up father and Konan were gone. They'd moved here, to America.

"Konan and I stayed in touch via Internet but I never talked to my father. A year later mom got into a car accident and passed away. I was escorted to America by the officials but as soon as they'd left, father said that he wouldn't have me in his house. He got me a single room apartment in another city and sent me money once a month until I turned 18. Starting then I was on my own. Konan helped me as much as she could, but since father had forbid her to talk to me, there wasn't much she could do."

Deidara stayed quiet for a while, and so did Sasori. Finally the latter said, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Oh, I didn't want to make you sorry," Deidara said and looked up from the ground. "I just wanted you to understand."

_Understand what? _Sasori thought, but didn't voice the question. There was silence once more.

"You just wanted your family to leave you alone, didn't you?"

Sasori looked up in confusion, his eyes asking the blond to elaborate on what he meant.

"I spoke to Temari yesterday," Deidara said matter-of-factly, "and she told me about your whole family pressuring you on finding a girlfriend."

Sasori failed to respond. What could've he said? _It's true, but why do you care?_

"You wanted to pretend getting your heart broken, so they wouldn't touch the subject anymore, correct?"

Sasori looked away. Why did the blond know all this? All of a sudden he felt utterly transparent, like anyone could see through him. And then he realized it was only Deidara who could do that.

"I think you're both wrong," Deidara admitted. "It isn't right _forcing _someone to find their Mr or Ms Right, but you shouldn't just sit around and let opportunities pass either. You can never be truly happy alone. You may not understand this now because you haven't experienced _real _happiness yet, but one day you'll see that no day alone can compare to being with him. That without him, you're plain empty inside. Once you feel that, you'll understand."

A part of Sasori wished the other would shut up, but he couldn't bring himself to say that. Fortunately there was no need. Deidara didn't say another word until they got back to the house. There when they got out of the car, he took the redhead's hand of his own accord and they walked inside together.

-x-

That night before they could go to bed, there was a knock on their bedroom door and Sasori went to answer. The opening door revealed Haku standing behind it with a pleasantly smiling expression.

"Kiss your darling good night now, Sasori. You won't be sleeping here tonight." To Deidara she explained, "It's a tradition. On the night before wedding, the groom and bride can't sleep together."

Deidara had been quiet the entire day; even now he only nodded silently and muttered 'G'night' to Haku as she took her leave. Then his gaze shifted to Sasori and their eyes met in an awkward silence. Haku had said 'kiss', but both of them knew it wasn't happening.

Sasori took an uncertain step towards the blond and slowly wrapped his arms around the other, pulling him close. Deidara embraced him back, closing his eyes as his cheek was pressed against the redhead's chest. Sasori's hand ran up and down his back softly.

"Sleep well, Deidara. It's going to be alright" was what Sasori said before taking his tooth brush from the bathroom and leaving.

And then Deidara was alone in the room. All alone. Suddenly he felt lonely.

He took a shower and got dressed in some comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt. He rolled up into a ball in the bed and pulled the sheets over himself. It was scary how alienated he'd become from sleeping alone in a room, but he assured himself he'd soon get used to it again.

"So tomorrow shall be the day I'm going to get married," he muttered to himself. "Who would've known." He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

-x-

The next day was a hustle and bustle, but somehow, Deidara stayed dopey throughout it all. He felt as though he was living in a dream and had difficulties wrapping his mind around what was happening. He didn't believe any of this was real until he was put in a white dress. That was when reality really hit him and hard.

Konan arrived around 9 o'clock in the morning. She was quickly introduced to the whole family and then led to Haku's huge private bathroom which the latter had rented out for them. Konan and Deidara were left alone there.

"I can't do this," Deidara whispered while he sat, dressed in his jeans and t-shirt, on the chair before the mirror and Konan curled his long blonde hair. "It's too much." He tried not to, but his eyes glanced at the mirror regardless, tearing up like at his mother's funeral.

"You gotta be strong," Konan insisted, yanking her brother's hair a little harder than necessary and making him wince to add emphasis to her words. "Think of it as a business deal."

"I've tried," Deidara argued back heatedly.

"You don't _try, _you _do_," Konan snapped. She knew she was being overly hard on the blond, but being soft wouldn't have got them anywhere. Deidara needed to stay strong as a rock and bear with it until the end. "Just smile and forget about everything – about sadness and feelings. Only one more day and then everything will be alright again. It will be over."

They didn't talk after that. Deidara stayed silent, trying not to think about how it will feel to be held and kissed by Sasori at the altar and then having to let him go and act as though they were never more than colleagues. He tried not to think about the weight of the wedding ring he'd have to wear for three months, all the while knowing it was merely a lie.

It was like his heart had been ripped out and stolen by the redhead, only he wasn't to blame. Deidara was solely at fault and he knew it. It didn't make things any easier for him.

Konan dolled him up like a princess. Blonde curly hair fell down his back and a fringe covered only half of his forehead – for once both of his light blue eyes were visible. Long dark eyelashes lined both the upper and lower turquoise blue eyelids, whose colours smoothly faded into white in the inner corners and navy blue in the outer corners of the eye.

His skin was powdered very light with a faint trace of blush on the upper parts of his cheeks. Deidara's lips, however, were covered with the thinnest layer of gloss, giving his lips a shiny lustre that didn't change the original colour of the lips.

The dress fit Deidara perfectly. Konan had gone out of her way to sew a set of fake chest to the bodice, so the bra she'd made wouldn't be necessary. The dress bared the blond's shoulders. Black lace was tied around Deidara's waist to separate the bodice from the long skirt that covered a little of the floor around him. It wasn't unnecessarily puffy – quite easy to move around in. The skirt formed a nice, upside down V shape.

"It's beautiful," Deidara whispered as he monitored his reflection in the mirror. His voice was throaty with emotion. _I wish I could've worn this on my real wedding day._

"Deidara," Konan said pitifully and quietly, "don't cry." She softly wiped away the single tear that had fallen from his eye. It broke her heart to see him like this, but there was nothing else she could do than push him through this.

"I'm fine," Deidara said assuringly, more to himself than his sister. He closed his eyes. "I will be by the time I have to go out."

A knock on the door made them both look up. The door opened and Haku, dressed in a beautiful knee-length red dress that revealed her shoulders, stepped in. Her face lit up with happiness at the sight of Deidara.

"Oh my, look at you! Absolutely stunning! Excellent work, Konan my dear."

Konan smiled back at her in a friendly way. "Why thank you. I believe she turned out beautiful as well."

Haku chuckled lightly. "Like there was ever any doubt. Here, darling" - she put a flat purple box on the counter and took off the lid - "I got you something."

In the box there was something that took Deidara's breath away and made his heart skip a beat. A beautifully shaped blue diamond lined by silver on a silver chain. _This can't be happening, _Deidara thought and bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying and shrieking.

"I had this done the day you arrived here. I've had this stone lying around for ages and now I finally found the perfect person to wear it. My sister-in-law!" Haku took it out and unhooked the chain. "Here, let me put it on."

Deidara backed away briskly, raising his palms and shaking his head. "Oh no, I can't take this."

Haku laughed. "Don't be silly, Dei dear. It fits you like a glove."

Deidara was still shaking his head. "No, no, no, no. Honestly, it's just too much. I love it, but I really _can't _accept it."

Haku's expression saddened and she pursed her lips in a pout. "Please accept it? Do it for me. Please!" Her voice was so saccharine, so heart-warming and heart-breaking that Deidara couldn't argue back anymore. He stayed perfectly still and let the other put it on, wincing as the cold metal touched his bare skin.

"Absolutely perfect," Haku whispered as she rested her chin on Deidara's shoulder and looked at them both in the mirror. "You're absolutely perfect for Sasori."

-x-

When the music started playing, three bridesmaids – Haku, Tenten and Konan - started walking down the stairs. Deidara waited at the top of the stairs a little and then proceeded downwards as well, alone. The spiralling part of the stairs was short and 2/3s of the lower part of it was straight. Deidara turned onto it and breathed in deeply as everyone at the wedding – his bridesmaids, the guests (he didn't dare to look at Sasori yet) – came into view.

All the faces he saw were smiling at him, and he knew they thought he was beautiful. He did too and was sad because he couldn't enjoy it. Konan had done a marvellous job. This day was just so wrong for him. It shouldn't have been happening.

As he started walking down the aisle, he still hadn't looked at Sasori. He couldn't. He was sure that when he did, he would completely lose it.

Suddenly, the silver ring on his finger felt abnormally heavy, as though someone had added ten pounds to it. It burned his skin like fire and he wanted to pull it off his hand.

The burning feeling from his finger travelled up his arm to his face and he felt like he was blushing, only it wouldn't show through his makeup. He found it hard to breathe, as if his dress was too tight, and it was difficult to keep walking in the rhythm of the melody of the wedding march. He felt like he might fall over on his heels any moment.

His gaze that had been fixed on the boutique in his hands shot up swiftly and right at Sasori. That was when he stopped in his tracks.

Sasori was standing at the end of the aisle, besides his father and someone else Deidara failed to notice, looking straight at him. Dressed in a simple black tux, his looks were breathtaking and momentarily, Deidara flashed to every small moment from the past days that they had spent together. Every word, every brief touch, every time the redhead's hands had been wrapped around him.

In the end, Deidara knew that he wasn't capable of continuing. It wasn't about the green card anymore or being able to continue working in the same company. It was about Sasori and Deidara not being able to do it.

The music was cut off and everyone was staring at the blond questioningly, but he was hardly aware of this. The boutique fell on the ground as Deidara pressed one hand against his stomach and the other against his mouth. His whole body was visibly shaking. Everything seemed blurry before his eyes.

A nearly inaudible "I'm sorry" was whispered before Deidara turned on his heel and rushed out of the room, the doors falling shut after him with a loud bang. The audience gasped. The priest stared wide-eyed at the left bride. Everyone was quiet for the better part of ten minutes before breaking out in whispers.

Among all the confused quests and family members, a blue-haired woman followed Deidara out of the door unnoticeably.

-x-

Sasori was left staring blankly at the closed doors. He didn't hear the puzzled, angered and worried guests, or the people right beside him asking him questions. Maybe he did, but his brain blocked all the sounds. His body was paralyzed, but his mind was racing with a thousand questions and thoughts.

The belated conclusive answer for all the inquiry in his mind was that he wouldn't find out any of the answers without asking Deidara. His legs started moving mechanically; slowly at first, but then going faster and faster until he was running down the aisle and out of the doors.

He glanced around in search for the blond, but his feet already led him up the stairs without his conscious approval. He ended up behind their bedroom door and yanked it open forcefully.

The room was empty when Sasori stepped in, but something felt out of place. He couldn't put his finger on what exactly, though. After looking around and examining the place for a while, he finally realized what was amiss.

The room was empty – too empty. All Deidara's clothes and belongings were gone. The bed was made and everything looked exactly like at the time when they'd first arrived. Save for the piece of paper ripped out from a notebook lying on the bed.

Sasori saw it as a bad omen, but picked it up nevertheless. It read in a shaky handwriting, apparently written in a rush:

_Dear Sasori,_

_I'm sorry, but I really couldn't do it. _

_I thought it would be easy entering your family and pretending to be a part of it, but as it turns out, it's not. _

_It is very hard getting the taste of real happiness, while knowing I'll have to let it go._

_I could smile at and with everyone, pretending to be the lucky pride, but lying to all of them_

_at the altar by saying 'I do' is far too much for me. _

_You are blessed with a wonderful family. If you wish, you can now have your broken heart_

_and get some peace, but I strongly advise you to keep searching for the right one. It's not_

_too late and you do deserve true happiness._

_Have a wonderful life, Sasori._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Deidara_

Sasori read the letter through many times. Half of the times his eyes just ran over the words without taking them in. Other times they just stopped on one particular word and dwelled on the meaning of it. He didn't turn away even at the sound of the door opening and someone else entering the room.

"Sasori? Why did she lie?" Haku asked quietly after reading the letter through over his shoulder.

"Because of our deal," Sasori muttered robotically.

"What deal?"

"A deal to marry me temporarily, so she'd get a permanent citizenship and I would get a broken heart that'd stop my family from pressuring me on finding a girlfriend."

Haku stayed silent for a little, taking it all in. Then she asked, "What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Sasori whispered. He was staring blankly at the letter, not even reading it anymore. He knew the words by heart already. _Dear Sasori..._

"What do you want to do?"

Sasori thought about it. Actually, he'd been thinking about it for a while. What _did_ he want? He'd liked having Deidara around; that much was true. But now that he was gone, why did he suddenly feel empty inside? Like nothing else but his memories of the past four days mattered?

_One day you'll see that no day alone can compare to being with him. That without him, you're plain empty inside. Once you feel that, you'll understand. _

Sasori crumpled the paper in his hand and said with full certainty, "I want to go after him."

Haku blew out a breath and muttered something about knowing it all along. She then said in an audible voice, "To the Akasuna mobile then!"

"To the what?" Sasori asked in confusion.

"Oh, I bought a super fast Lamborghini for my anniversary with my darling and named it the Akasuna mobile." Haku grinned widely. "Pretty neat, eh?"

Sasori shook his head in disbelief, and followed the woman out at a fast pace. Haku spilled two or three hurried words to Tenten as an explanation and was told 'not to worry'. She cast her sister a grateful smile and dragged Sasori to the Lamborghini.

She ignored Sasori's request to drive himself and told him to buckle up before slamming the gas pedal down at full force. The vehicle shot forward and veered away, leaving only a trace of smoke behind.

They got to the airport in record time without being pulled over once. It made Sasori seriously question the trustworthiness of the local policemen, but at the moment, it didn't really matter. Rather than angry and disappointed, Sasori was glad. It gave him hope that they would make it in time.

They rushed into the airport, Sasori's eyes automatically starting to search for the information board. His heart fell when he caught sight of the details of the plane to New York in red. _Five minutes; _they'd been _five damn minutes _late. Sasori scraped his hair back in frustration. He couldn't believe this.

He and Haku spent the better part of the following hour searching the airport in hope that Deidara and Konan hadn't made it either, but Sasori had lost all hope by then. Deidara was on the plane right now, headed to New York and there was nothing he could do to change the situation at the moment.

Sasori collapsed on a chair, propping his head on his hands. The formal wedding suit earned him quite many odd looks from the passers-by, but he couldn't care less. Frankly, he didn't even notice them. He couldn't think about anything else than what Deidara had said and written over and over again.

-x-

Deidara stared out of the window as the plane flew over state after state, putting a distance of hundreds of kilometres between him and Sasori. He didn't look down at the ground; he merely stared into the immense light blue that surrounded them. It reminded him of the necklace he'd worn before and that was now lying on the cupboard in the bedroom he'd left behind.

He'd changed his clothes for the first items he'd got his hands on back in the bedroom – which had happened to be a lovely green skirt, a t-shirt and a jacket – but hadn't wasted time on washing his face from the makeup. He'd had to get away as soon as possible. He would have broken down before everyone, had someone like Sasori or Haku come after him.

Konan and Deidara were both quiet during the flight. Konan cast her brother wary looks from time to time, but all those remained wordless.

Deidara didn't cry. He didn't express any emotion at all. He sat there in his seat like an empty shell, staring out into the emptiness with empty eyes. For the third time in his life he was forced to depart from someone he wanted in his life at all costs. First Konan, who father had taken with him, then his mother, and now Sasori. Deidara couldn't help but believe that this was the routine his life was meant to follow.

Konan escorted him home, after offering for him to stay with her several times. Her husband was out of town for the time being and she had the apartment all to herself. Deidara declined, though, saying he just needed some time to be alone, but he assured her he'd give her a call the moment he needed anything. With the words "Sleep well" Konan took off.

Deidara took a shower, changed his clothes and took some sleeping pills before crawling into bed and curling up in it. Before long, he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

-x-

On the next day, Deidara went to the office to retrieve his things. Nobody questioned him or asked about his whereabouts on the previous day and he was grateful for that. Moving mechanically, he unlocked the door to his room and started collecting things from his desk and shelves in the boxes he'd brought with him. A friend of him was supposed to drop by soon to help him carry them out to his car.

He expected it to be his friend when he heard the door open, and his heart sunk when he turned around and found himself face to face with an overly familiar redhead. The mere sight of the figure made Deidara's knees feel weak and his head swim. He had to use every ounce of self-control he had to keep his body straight and from collapsing.

"Good morning, Mr. Akasuna, sir," Deidara said in a whisper.

"I never said I accepted your resignation letter," Sasori said, closing the door behind him.

Deidara breathed out slowly, trying to calm himself, even if only a little. "And may I ask why you do not accept it?"

"Your reason does not satisfy me," the redhead said and slowly stepped closer.

"I apologize, but there is no way I can get a permanent citizenship in America that would allow me to continue working for you. I have to spend at least a year in another country, before I can get a new visa and-" Deidara trailed off as Sasori came to a stop before him and cupped his cheek, making him look up at him. The blond all but forgot how to breathe when looking into the immensely dark eyes of the other.

"Marry me, Deidara," Sasori said.

"I-I told you, A-Akasuna," Deidara stammered, stumbling over his own words, "I cannot keep lying-"

"Stop it with the Akasuna." Sasori moved even closer to the blond's face, their noses nearly touching. His cold breath was making Deidara dizzy and he hoped that in case of falling, the redhead would catch him before he hit his head against the table behind him. "Don't marry me for 3 months, marry me for real."

A shiver ran down Deidara's body and he felt the need to sit down. It was hardly possible to keep his head clear while being so close to the redhead. Regardless he gave his best, looking down while saying, "I don't think I understand, Mr. Akasuna, but I really need to continue packing, otherwise I won't make it to-"

"Look at me." Sasori's voice harsh and demanding, leaving no room for objections. Slowly and extremely reluctantly, Deidara raised his eyes to meet Sasori's. His were teary and wavering, while meeting the pair of defiant and calm brown ones. "I am here, asking you in all bluntness, to do the greatest honour for me as to answer my question sincerely."

"And what was the questi-?"

Deidara was cut off mid-word when a firm, yet so soft, pair of lips pressed against his own, swallowing the rest of his question like a wave. Deidara's eyes fell shut immediately and one single tear ran down his cheek, making its way to the place where the two mouths collided.

The world seemed to freeze for that moment. Deidara couldn't breathe, but even oxygen had lost its importance for him for the time being. His knees buckled and he almost collapsed as predicted, but a pair of firm arms caught him safe and sound before he could hit himself anywhere. They held him up and sat him down on the edge of the table.

Sasori pulled away slowly, opening his eyes in synchrony with the blond.

"I've found my real happiness," Sasori breathed. "Will you marry me?"

The soundless "Yes" that was given in response was almost inaudible.

-x-

_Epilogue_

"Sasoriiii," Deidara whined from outside the room. "Do I _have _to?"

Sasori set the laptop aside and got up from the couch, sashaying to the doorway and leaning against it. He eyed his _fiancé _(for real, this time) sitting behind the computer, staring at the blank screen with an expression of disgust, and said calmly, "Yes. We had a deal, remember?"

"What is it with you and deals?" Deidara muttered sullenly and moved the mouse a little. The screen flickered to life, bringing up an unfinished mail. Actually, _unfinished _was an understatement; it had barely been started. _Dear Father, _it read and the rest had either been deleted or had never even been typed.

Sasori entered the room and cast the monitor a brief look before lifting the blond up a little and swiftly moving below him, so that Deidara ended up sitting on his lap.

"Tell me the problem."

"My _Father,_" Deidara snapped, emphasizing the title in a mixture of mockery and distaste, "couldn't care less about me getting married to some random _guy._ He's going to ignore my message and delete it without even opening it."

"Deidara," Sasori started, his tone indicating his unwillingness towards having to repeat himself, "regardless of his opinion, you cannot _choose _your family members, and since you're getting married, he – as one of the two family members you have left – deserves" – he caught sight of the narrow-eyed look that the blond cast him and decided to reword – "_ought _to be informed. Otherwise he's going to think you died alone in your solitude because of your _psychological disorder._" The last two words were said with deep sarcasm.

"Why not let the old man die in happiness?" Deidara muttered, but his question fell on deaf ears.

"Now I already told my family, _despite _my awareness of their disapproval of homosexuals. You were going to tell your father as well – that was the deal. Whether or not he'll react to the news is irrelevant."

Deidara sighed sternly and let his fingers run over the keyboard without pressing any of the keys hard enough to type letters. "What am I going to write?" he asked, twisting his neck to look at the redhead with a devastated look.

Sasori gave him a pleasant smile in return. "How about..."

_Dear Father, _

_Putting all our past differences behind, I've decided to forward the following news to you._

_I am happy and getting married to a wonderful man by the name Sasori Akasuna. You may _

_or may not have heard of him – he's quite well-known in the business world. _

_You are welcome to attend our wedding at Sasori's birthplace, Friday Harbor, on the second of the following _

_month. Konan is coming, you could catch a ride with her._

_I know you most likely still don't think of me as your son - therefore couldn't care less about_

_this piece of news – but fact is that you cannot choose your family members. Even if_

_you decide to ignore this letter, I just want you to know – I am happy with the life I'm_

_living. I hope you're too._

_Best regards,_

_Deidara _

_THE END_


End file.
